Is the Cybertruck really playing 3D chess with our brains? The polarizing aspects of this cause celebre have resulted in the myth outgrowing the object itself.
Haters can’t stop talking about how much they despise it, thus throwing more attention in Tesla’s direction than millions of promotional dollars ever could do, while also mobilizing Tesla’s most fervent fans to defend it, churning more no-cost attention for the Cybertruck.
How many Cyberfans truly like the appearance, I wonder? Obviously, many really do. Others may not like it, but don’t say so for fear of running afoul of their fellow tribe members, if not (gasp!) Elon Musk himself. And it seems like those at the standom end of the fandom spectrum are instantly convinced any move Musk or Tesla makes is ideal, optimal, beyond questioning, so clearly the Cybertruck is the greatest shape ever to wear four wheels. Obviously.
I really don’t know, but it’s obvious that from a subjective design standpoint finding faults with the Cybertruck is like shooting fish in a barrel. Some elements are so bad that removing them entirely seems to improve the design tremendously, even if these elements are rather critical to the functionality of the truck itself. Like the roof. Allow me to explain …
Peak Silliness
No matter how close or far away you’re standing from a Cybertruck, you can see parts of the design to take issue with. Why not start with what you can see from a football field away? I’m referring to the pyramid-shaped roof.
Very few (if any) production cars have taken on a roof shape like this, for good reason: Generally speaking, the tallest parts of a car should be above the passengers’ heads to give them the most room possible. With the Cybertruck’s triangular profile, the tallest point is just ahead of the backrest of the front seats, and the space tapers rapidly to the rear of the truck. To give passengers the most room possible, that point has to move extremely high; you’ll likely need the roof to be tall enough to hit the top of your garage door in order to get enough space over the rear seat occupants without having them sit on the floor.
Sometime back, I was Photoshop-scribbling over a side view of Cybertruck and removed the top of the roof. Then, for some reason, I cut off the side glass. As I was about to draw on some new roof line, a strange realization came to me: the stripped-down, sketch-in-progress Cybertruck looked better. It still looked like a Pinewood Derby entry from a Cub Scout who actually built the car himself without a handy dad (or mom, I’m cool) to “help,” but at least the stupid pointed roof was gone. If I squinted a bit – or a lot – the angled ends and open middle compartment almost resembled a targa-topped exotic like a Lamborghini Aventedor.
How would this even work? Here’s a possible way that would require a lot of convoluted thinking and unproven technologies, much like everything else on the truck itself.
The Real Tesla Roadster?
To make an al fresco Cybertruck, we need to add frameless side windows and back doors with fully retracting glass, a style not seen in these parts since the big pillarless sedans of the late sixties. Next, the pyramid roof would be split into two separate planes that must either be removed and left behind or somehow stashed over the cargo area. In our favor, we can see the roof panels are narrower than the truck bed where we need them to go.
You could have both panels lift out like a manual targa top, but due to the Cybetruck’s height, two very tall people would be required to make such a removal possible.
Instead, I’m thinking about an electric “Jacob’s ladder” type mechanism. A full-length overhead console down the middle of the glass roof could be a “spine” that contains the pivot mechanism for the front and rear panels to fold them onto themselves, while a second mechanism would pivot the folded panels back over the cargo bed.
It’s not unlike the Renault WIND coupe/cabrio from years past:
You could also tilt up the folded roof to access whatever might be sitting the bed. You’d have enough stiffness in the windshield frame and just behind the seats to provide some rollover protection.
Here’s an underside view of the folding roof:
The sides of the roof sections could be silver as on the fixed roof model but finishing them in black (as I’ve done below) gives the open-topped model a different look even with the top in place. Once everyone that wants a Cybertruck actually has one, those that just have to stand out will need that differentiation. Here you go, you narcissistic knobs:
The lower windshield (with the top open, of course) creates a new problem, and the solution might be better than the “problem” we’re trying to fix. I’m talking about the Cybertruck’s giant windshield wiper. A single wiper as on the standard truck wouldn’t be long enough to clear the whole windscreen, so we’d have to resort to adding a second wiper on the passenger’s side of the glass. We’ve now inadvertently created what’s likely a better rain-cleaning system than on the fixed-roof example.
I can’t stand the Cybertruck’s wheel covers (original or new, non-tire-chewing) so I added the charcoal-toned aftermarket Unplugged Performance wheels with Italian-looking hexagonal openings. It’s an improvement, adding an almost Lamborghini Silhouette-style Gandini style to the thing, if Gandini had been hung over from a bachelor party the night before and lost his glasses at a strip club.
Naturally, we’d have something that would be totally blind to the rear but it pretty much is anyway with the cargo cover closed. That cargo cover would need to roll up at a lower point to clear the top mechanism as well, and stay open when the roof was retracted.
So Many Other Issues You Won’t Notice The Roof Problems
Chopping the roof off of virtually any car or truck doesn’t always make it better, but it certainly turns it into a vehicle that’s more fun for more than just the driver. Taking a Sawzall to Elon’s controversial sort-of truck doesn’t make a lot of sense, but then neither does the Cybertruck itself.
Would the Cybertruck Roadster bend in half with the top off? Could the mechanism to retract it have serious mechanical issues? Are leaks going to be the agenda for the (rainy) day? Hey, look at how well the launch of the Cybetruck is going in its current form, quality-wise. What’s to worry about?
Images: Tesla except for where noted
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