Let’s Explore The Strange And Unexpected Automotive Choices In The World Of Barbie

Is Barbie an Autopian? Admittedly Barbie is not, in fact, a real person at all, but she has a pretty well-defined persona in toys, music, and film. A persona that includes cars … a lot of cars.

The controversial doll-turned-movie-character certainly appears to be a rather materialistic person, based on her Dream House and the vehicles she drives. While the partial-to-pink character seems to choose cars that are always flashy, they’re typically more mainstream than the rather obscure vehicles that many Autopians would gravitate towards, with a few exceptions.

Corvettes appear prominently over the years as Barbie’s daily driver; at a local thrift mall this week I saw several C4s to choose from:

Ken is stuck with an old C3, but it appears to be a final-year 1975 drop-top. Hopefully it’s L82 equipped, as Ken has a lot to compensate for (or nothing to compensate for, if you know what I mean).

In the recent Barbie The Movie, she drives a plastic-bodied first-gen Corvette that inexplicably has a back seat:

… But it’s not all Chevys in Barbie World. Based on the vintage offerings I discovered at the antique mall, it appears Barbie really started spending money on herself in the go-go eighties, splashing out cash for not one but two Ferraris, each a 328GTS. The Rossa Corsa example is sporting the smooth-faced wheels of the later ABS-equipped GTS, but Mattel chose to slather the wheels of both Ferraris in chrome, so … blech.

The money must have been flowing like wine for the now-middle-aged, botox-injecting, one-step-away-from-the-Betty-Ford-center Barbie [Ed note: Wow, OK] since she appears to have also purchased a MKI Golf /Rabbit Cabriolet for “Jazzie,” her “cool teenage cousin.”

Depictions of Barbie outside of Mattel’s iron – er, plastic – fist feature more obscure machines. The video for the catchy, annoying, slightly filthy 1997 song I’m A Barbie Girl by the Danish-Norwegian band Aqua features a pink car, but it’s driven by Ken so one would assume that it’s his name on the title. As horrific as this tune is, at least the video includes a somewhat Autopian machine in the form of a mid-70s Ford  Taunus via Germany, twin to the Dangenham-built British Cortina. It’s a “convertible” in the video, but the chopped top was likely literally chopped – call it a Sawzall sacrifice for music-video immortality.

My guess is there is no structural stiffening, so it’s strictly a video prop and opening both doors at the same time is not recommended. I say this because Ford never made a drop-top Taunus or Cortina, beyond some coachbuilt examples like this one that was for sale some time back; you’ll note the add-on “roll bar” helping hold the thing together:

Barbie seems pleased enough with Bald Ken’s ride in the Aqua video, a stark contrast to the famous 1996 Nissan commercial that sees Ken get his injection-molded heart shattered. Poor Ken is left behind as Barbie hops into a Z32 300ZX Turbo procured from a toy stash by square-jawed action figure (Ken is a mere fashion doll) who undoubtedly stole Barbie’s affection with his manly cleft chin and the erotic possibilities of his far greater articulation. Jointed elbows and knees? What can’t he do?

I don’t know what the Ken character in this commercial was driving at the time, but it’s unlikely that it was as dope as arguably the second-greatest Nissan product ever made next to the 240Z. Yes, I know the GT-R will mop the floor with a Z32, but the styling of the newer car looks to me like the box and packaging material that the 1990 300ZX arrived in. I’m partial since we had a Z32 for fifteen years and 150,000 miles, and I never tired of the shape. As opposed to Barbie, who had tired of Ken’s shape after some 35 years, apparently. (Ken was introduced in 1961.)

If I were Barbie (now there’s a strange thought), what would I drive? The answer was for sale not too long ago, by the owner of 43 years. A woman named Lorrie Stern bought the car new in Upper Nyack, New York and had it painted light pink soon after acquiring it. She then proceeded to put 114,000 miles on it over the next four decades. So, what was this long-serving car? Surely a reliable mile-eater, perhaps a blush-colored Cadillac Eldorado? A Lincoln Mark IV wearing a shade of rose?

Not even close: Mrs. Stern chose a Lamborghini Espada with a 5-speed. The listing photos show jarring black lap belts in the rear seat, but Mrs. Stern claimed to need those to hold the grandkid’s child seats. I’ll allow it.

Some people question whether Barbie should be a role model for young girls today. I don’t know how to answer that, but I sure as shit know that Lorrie Stern is an Autopian role model to beat all role models. Barbie is cool, but she will never be that cool.

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