I suspect that most of us are familiar with that seminal piece of American literature and theater, The Dukes of Hazard. Initially starting as a series of novels by (I believe) J.D. Salinger and William Faulkner in their only known collaboration and then later adapted into a series of stage plays and then a television series by (again, I haven’t cross-checked my sources, but I believe this is accurate) David Mamet, these thoughtful and quietly insightful tales of life in Georgia’s Hazzard county delighted Americans throughout the 1970s and 1980s.
One of the crucial aspects of the series was a 1969 Dodge Charger stock car, which was used to further the plot in meaningful and subtle ways, whether by cleverly summarizing the human condition of near-constant desires by jumping over a ravine, or by making a subtle but pointed commentary about humanity’s inhumanity to their fellow humans by jumping over some cop cars.
Here’s the opening credits, if you need a reminder to be put in the mood:
A cultural icon, for sure. And yet, it’s one sullied by one unfortunate detail when watching today: the Charger there is named the General Lee, after Confederate general Robert E. Lee, and the Confederate battle flag has a place of prominence on the roof.
The Confederacy just doesn’t seem like something we need to celebrate; there’s no reason these references to a pro-slavery, treasonous failed state should continue to sully the complex and nuanced content of the show, which also pioneered what was at the time the smallest jean shorts denim scientists could craft.
So what can be done? Well, thanks to CGI, and other advanced technologies, we should be able to replace the General Lee and its troubling references with other General-themed cars that would do the job just as well without also being a symbol of a genuinely shitty part of American history.
Let’s look at some options, as developed by a complex FORTH program running on the Autopian’s AI experimental station, a 16K Commodore Pet, seen here doing a test run of the AI Car Concept generating software:
Here’s what it came up with:
General DeGaulle
The only real requirement was that the car be themed after a General of some kind, so it’s not surprising to see this one based on General DeGaulle of France, who led the Free French resistance fighters against the Nazis during WWII. The car is a Renault 5/Le Car, and with those sporty wheels and tricolor on the roof, should easily be as exciting to see on screen as that charger.
Les Duke boys sont dans un sacré pétrin!
General Anesthetic
Okay, I think the algorithm got into a little trouble with the concept of “General.” But this could still work! This early-2000s Camry is the perfect car for the concept of general anesthesia, being sort of forgettable and invoking deep slumbers. A white square replaces any sort of flag on the hood, and I think the misspelling on the door just adds to the general sense of ennui that the show has always cultivated. This could be a bold choice!
Because I only had 16K to work with and no real internet connection for the PET, the set of data used to formulate these concepts was limited, so instead of another general here it seems to have flipped over to captains, selecting Captain Horatio Nelson Crunch, and then promoted him to Admiral. Then stuck it all on an Amphicar.
If we’re willing to try an Admiral instead of a General, I think an Amphicar could actually really enhance the show and, if a remake was desired, give lots of water-based opportunities for chases down canals and estuaries and creeks and rivers and reflecting pools and so much more. A Special Episode where the Duke Boys go to Venice, Italy could even finally happen, just like they always wanted!
General Grievous
What about a cross-over? With a new crop of more serious, powerful media from the Star Wars universe, like the show Andor, perhaps the General reference in question could be General Grievous, that strange droid with a bunch of biological organs in a jar inside him, whose primary character trait was a wet, hacking cough, like he had a combination of emphysema, a 55-pack-a-day cigarette habit, and a bad catalytic converter:
Now, we wouldn’t need the coughing droid itself on the show, just his ride, which was that big monowheel thing you see up there. I’m sure that could get through all kinds of Hazzard county mud!
This is just a place to start – all sorts of other general-themed cars could be considered: General Malaise (almost any mid-70s American crapbox, maybe a Vega), General Electric (if you want an EV), General Mills (if you wanted it to be more breakfast-coded), General Lee (but this time Bruce, not Robert), and so on.
Also, I should confess: none of these were actually computer AI generated. They were BAI, biological AI, where my human brain made a crude simulation of intelligence. Hence the typo I didn’t feel like fixing on that Camry.
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