Would You Honestly Want To Buy A Car From These People?

While ads from automakers are typically polished, carefully crafted, and millimetrically precise in their aim to sell a product without attracting backlash, things can be a little bit different when it comes to local dealerships. I’ve seen my fair share of weird promotional tactics like a free barbecue with the purchase of a Ram 1500, mascots, yelling and local celebrity cameos, but every so often something different leads to a raised eyebrow or two.

The other night, I stumbled upon a 1969 ad for a Mercury dealer in Toronto that seems absolutely unhinged. It all centers around a schism of sorts that really seems like it should’ve been a personal matter, and for those not in on what has to be a joke of sorts, I’m struggling to understand why this ad would make you want to buy a car.

In 1966 Martin Starr and a certain overweight brother (who shall remain nameless) gave their Mom great pleasure by going into business together. They formed Star Mercury, a nice automobile dealership where the salesmen are trained to give you a good, understandable deal, (and to keep on being your friend even after you’ve signed on the dotted line, and where your car is serviced by mechanics who love their work.

Only one thing about Star Mercury has changed. The overweight brother deserted. He now runs a dealership for a rival manufacturer in a small borough to the east of Toronto.

But Martin stayed, to see Star Mercury become No. 1 Toronto Mercury-Meteor-Cougar dealership.

Sometimes Martin feels a little sad, thinking of the happy days he and his brother spent building Star Mercury. But the sadness leaves when he steals a deal from Old Overweight out in the borough. So you can help Martin stay happy. Buy a nice Montego, Meteor, Cougar, Marquis or Falcon from Star Mercury. You’ll get a wonderful deal.

And you’ll please Mom.

Deep down inside, she always liked Martin best

Whew. There’s a lot to unpack here, most of which should probably have been done in the presence of a licensed therapist, but let’s start with the whole sibling rivalry thing. I get that making fun of people’s features was more socially acceptable in the 1960s than it is today, so let’s leave that stone alone, but there is something amusing about the copy claiming the dealer will be “your friend” through the aftersales process, only to pile on the brother for gaining a new franchise. What would happen if you bought a Volkswagen as a second car to your Marquis?

Also, even if the tone of this newspaper ad is tongue-in-cheek and seems like a fairly obvious charade, it’s not exactly dispelling myths around the archetypal car dealer. I mean, a photo of the brother’s face with the caption “The overweight brother “He turned chicken”” is rather bold stuff, to the point I can only assume permission was granted before the ad was run. If there was any real animosity, things could’ve got uglier.

If we dig a little deeper, we’ll find that karma’s an interesting thing. The brother mentioned in this ad was Marvin Starr, owner of Marvin Starr Pontiac Buick in Scarborough, a franchise that stuck it out until the very end of Pontiac, outlasting Star Mercury’s existence as a Mercury franchise. Actually, it outlived Mercury’s existence as a brand in Canada, with Ford having sunsetted the marque north of the border for 1999.

I guess the takeaway here is that it’s kind of amazing that ads like this once worked. The world of local car sales has always been a weird one, but there’s just not much appealing about putting your own money on the line in the name of sibling rivalry.

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