Happy birthday, America! You’re 248 today, and you don’t look a day over 230! Of course, that date is just when we declared independence from the British Empire, because they were over-taxing our teakettles or making us put stamps on everything or maybe they were just trying to shove extra u’s into all our words. Whatever the reason, we had enough, and that started the process that led to this bold American experiment, one that has managed to stick human beings on the moon and continues to push the boundaries of carnival food technology.
America, she’s a complex, dazzling nation, and back in 1976, when we turned 200, we celebrated in the best way possible: by having our carmakers and dealers offer a whole lot of special patriotic stripe kits that were called things like “Bicentennial Edition” or “Spirit of ’76” or “Patriot Edition” or some shit like that. They were, of course, glorious.
I made up a Pacer one up there, complete with a screaming eagle on the hood, even though AMC already had a Patriot Edition kit for the Pacer. Most companies offered some sort of package:
Even non-American companies offered packages, like the dealer-applied ’76 Bicentennial Edition Beetle you see there, for example. But for our American car-crafters, there were International Scout Spirit editions, Vega ones, the Ford Bicentennial Option Group, and, yes, AMC’s Patriot editions and so many more! Here, look, you can see how dealers were instructed to America-up their Gremlins:
Oh boy, I wonder how often this process was half-assed, leaving Gremlin owners with severely listing Eagles and wavy stripes?
Anyway, the Americans on staff are off today, gorging on hot dogs and beer, weeping openly and unashamedly at the aching beauty of this great and offtimes ridiculous nation. But we’ll be making our non-Americans work! We have several members of the British Commonwealth here, from Canada to the UK to Australia, and those Redcoats will be doing all they can to keep you infotained!
Happy Independence Day to everyone! American or not!
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