We normally have a policy here where we avoid showing any especially graphic accidents, so you’d think a wreck that shows a fire hydrant being blasted through the head of a child wearing checkered overalls would be out of the question, but in this case, you’d be wrong. That’s because the child that got a hydrant blasted through his head this time is no ordinary child, but a boy, a big, boy, the Big Boy, and this fast-food mascot never faltered, never dropped that double-decker burger, not even when the back of his head was being blasted out by a cast-iron hydrant-missile.
The Big Boy attempted assassination by hydrant happened in Downey, California, on August 28, around two in the morning. A vehicle speeding down the road lost control and smacked into the fire hydrant, which was launched through Big Boy’s head, clipping the famous mascot’s trademark pompadour hair and blowing off the back of his head.
The driver escaped with only moderate injuries, though the Jaws of Life were required to extract her from the car, which appears to be a 2008-ish Ford Five Hundred:
The incident was captured on security cameras outside of the Bob’s Big Boy Broiler restaurant:
View this post on Instagram
Holy crap, look at that. A hydrant right through your head can really do some damage; I’m impressed the Big Boy held up as well as he did, never faltering, never falling, never dropping that delicious double-decker burger.
View this post on Instagram
In an Instagram post, the restaurant shows the injured Big Boy, face sprouting fiberglass fibers, yet still smiling, and states that he will “have the comeback of the century.”
The iron will exhibited by Big Boy and his steadfast refusal to fall, even when an entire hydrant blasts through his head, has definitely been noticed by other members of the fast-food mascot community.
Via the Unified Kingdom of Burger’s embassy in Washington, the Burger King issued a statement:
“We all want the food to be fast, but we all know the cars can be fast, too, and when they’re too fast, this is the predictable result. What is less predictable is the unshakable determination of this Big Boy, his unwavering refusal to collapse even when the very forces of the physical world ally against him. I am inspired by this young man, his burger held perpetually aloft; let it be a meaty beacon for us all.”
Also notable was the emergence from seclusion of the deposed Mayor McCheese, once head of the McDonaldland government. When the McCheese administration ended in scandal and calamity, the Mayor disappeared. But the Big Boy hydrant incident prompted the release of a terse missive from McCheese:
“This is what food mascotry is all about. Venerate the product, let nothing stop you or impede your mission. I salute the Big Boy and wish him a rapid recovery.”
The fast-food mascot community hasn’t seen this sort of unity since 2014, when many came together to mourn the Noid’s death by heroin overdose.
Our thoughts and prayers to the Big Boy in Downey. Hopefully the back of his head will be back in place soon.
Modern Rear Bumpers Are A Sad Joke
That Time I Flew My Beetle 84 Feet Because I Was Young And Stupid
10 Things That Would Go Through My Mind If I Immediately Stuffed A $2.3 Million Lotus Into A Wall At Goodwood
The post Big Boy Gets Head Ripped Apart By Fire Hydrant, Holds Onto Cheeseburger, Becomes Fast-Food Mascot God appeared first on The Autopian.
